Pre-Europe-travel grab bag

WARNING:  Mishmash ahead.
Haven’t yet packed, which means this is the perfect time to procrastinate with a blog entry.  Or something like that.

I’m leaving tomorrow morning for a two-week work-related trip.  See details of that trip, plus enjoy some of my phone, camera, T-Mobile, and other musings below.

My upcoming travels for May 29 through June 11

• LONDON:  I’ll be attending the Search Engine Strategies conference in London, where Webmasters, marketers, advertisers, and others that care about making moolah on the Web will be hanging out.  You gonna be there, too?  Look for me and say hi!  :-D.  Oh, and just for the heck of it, feel free to check out my London 2001 photos and my London 2002 photos that I took during earlier (non-work-related) visits.
• BERLIN:  I’ve gotten gleefully roped into a Google pan-European sales conference.  Time for me to learn about new salesy stuff in the company, and I’m looking forward to sharing info about Search Quality and spam fighting with sales-type folks.  Alas, every minute is pretty much accounted for, though, so I won’t have much free time to explore.  I’ve visited Berlin in the past (fascinating city!), but will look forward to spending more time wandering around nooks and crannies during a future trip.
• DUBLIN:  Definitely looking forward to re-visiting Ireland!  I had a great time during an earlier visit… friendly folks, charming pubs… and now that the pubs are (at least in theory) smoke-free, I’m even happier!  I’ll be visiting Google’s European headquarters here, meeting up with some colleagues over laptops and possibly a pint or three.

Other random stuff

My losing streak continues, sadly.  In the last few months, I’ve had TWO cameras and TWO expensive phones stolen.  It’s almost enough to make me either become a luddite or hire a personal assistant to thwack me on the head when I’m being particularly absent-minded. 

Luckily, insurance will (at least in theory) be covering most of the cost of everything but one of the phones… and in an almost unbelievably example of “the kindness of strangers”... a colleague in the Atlanta Google office learned of my pathetic plight and IM’d me, “Hey, I don’t really use my Treo much, would you like it?”  I said, sure, I’d consider it… what did she think would be a fair price?  But no, she said, she was happy to just give it to me.  And Fed-ex it to me next-day, just in time for my trip.  Wow!

But alas, it didn’t quite make it here in time, and (understandably) none of my local friends just happened to have a spare tri-band phone to loan me.  So in desperation, I went to a T-Mobile store and, after learning they only had dual-band loaners, decided to just bite the bullet and buy a phone.  The salesman recommended a quad-band Motorola V188; it seemed pleasantly basic and small enough, and I figured $100—even with a required 1-year contract renewal—seemed fair.

Upon arriving back home, though, I noticed that Amazon is selling the same Motorola V188 with the same 1-year contract for… negative $145!  That’s right, after the $35 new account fee, you get $110 cash back.  So I basically got gypped out of $210!  I’m pretty pissed.  So I decided to call T-Mobile and I got—as usual—a delightfully friendly and helpful rep (this is part of the reason why I generally do love T-Mobile and didn’t mind renewing my contract).  Alas, she said that the Amazon promo is, as it states, only for new customers.  I expressed to her that I felt this was sort of a slap in the face for existing customers (especially those loyal ones way past their required contract term).  After much time on hold, she offered to give me 30 free text messages (a value of $3).  I thought this was pretty laughable, but at this stage in the game (leaving tomorrow), I just didn’t have the time to argue.  The uber-moral of the story:  if you’re looking to get a new phone, especially one more pricey than the entry-level one I bought today, you’re likely better off going through Amazon.com and just porting over your number.

Oh, and a few opening thoughts about this Motorola, compared to my Treo 650…
- It doesn’t cradle as nicely between my neck and shoulder.
- The speakerphone is decent.
- I don’t like the non-recessed volume buttons… worried about them getting pressed when in my pocket.
- There’s no “are you sure?” when writing a long SMS and accidentally hitting the cancel button.  Blegh.
- It feels okay in my pocket.  Really light.  But I’d probably be more comfortable having a long and thin phone in my pocket.
- It’s so weird to not have a qwerty keyboard for texting or Web surfing.  I already miss my Treo and can’t wait to get my replacement!

*  *  *

I also got a new camera today, the Canon SD700.  It is, admittedly, rather a splurge, but I don’t feel too guilty; I tend to spend money on the arts (music, theatre) and photography, and I guess everyone’s entitled to some guilty pleasures. :-D

Online, on the low-end (but still from trustable companies) it tends to go for about $470 (with no sales taxes due up-front). At retail stores near me, it's going for, well, retail: $499 (plus tax). Ouch. I found out that Frys (Tech Gadget Mecca for Geeks) in San Jose had it for $449, and while I'd normally never drive down to San Jose (about 90 miles round trip from my apartment) just to save $50... in this case, I already had plans to go to a BBQ at my friend Merry's house in Mountain View, so it all worked out. They also had a reasonably decent 2gb SD card for $49, which I also snagged.

Of course, the real cost of photography is in time. I still haven't gotten around to processing the 1,800 or so photos from my recent trip to Australia and Singapore; at about a conservative one minute per cropping/fixing/tagging/titling/describing, that's 30 hours out of my life just to post a bunch of photos. Even if I pick the top one-third to post, that's still 10 hours of photofussing just for this one trip. Ack! Seriously, because of this (I know, it's a little silly), I seriously considered whether I wanted the hassle of schlepping, protecting, using, and dealing with a camera + its byproducts. Nostalgia won out, though.

* * *

Anyway, I probably better get packing. I'll try to blog some stuff while I'm away, but it may be a few weeks 'til I'm bloggily back.

Another crazy week

This last week or so has been—as usual—filled with craziness, happiness, stress, and adventure.

Let’s start with one of the stranger moments.

The scene:  I’m walking from my car to one of my favorite weekly swing dance events (The 9:20 Special in San Francisco).  Suddenly, an attractive woman I don’t recognize is driving down the street yelling something at me.

HER:  “Hey… hey!  Could you help me out?”
ME:  [understandably a bit startled].  “Um, what’s up?”
HER:  “I can’t parallel park.  Could you get in and help me?”
ME: “Um…..”
HER:  “Or maybe you could just get in and park it for me?”

It’s already nearly 10pm, I’m tired, and I have several thoughts weakly bouncing around in my head:
- She’s cute.
- She’s driving a stick.  I haven’t driven a stick in a while.
- I suck at parallel parking, too.
- My parents told me to never get in the car with strangers.

ME:  “Uh… tell you what… I saw a parking spot around the corner.  You drive, I’ll jog alongside and guide you into the spot.”
HER:  “Are you sure you don’t just want to park it for me?”
ME:  “Yep.  Here, follow me!”

I jogged, she followed, and—miraculously—somehow with my help and her (indeed bad) parallel parking skills, she managed to park her car.  Then, when she got out, a big d’uh-bomb crashed onto my thick skull and I realized… hey, that’s the really fine dancer I met (and danced with) last Saturday!  She just assumed that I’d remember her, and I probably should have, too.  Oops!

Thankfully, though, despite my bad memory, I was rewarded with two great dances with her later in the evening.  If only she parked as well as she danced… :-D

*  *  *

Also recently…

• I attended a full day Lindy Hop workshop with Peter and Caitlin followed by a dance that evening. 
• I enjoyed a gorgeous sunny afternoon at Crissy Field with friends to celebrate a bunch of our birthdays together.  Met cool new people, including fellow musicians, teachers, even exchange students from France who made a fine souffle (they said it was “sleek” and we were quite confused for a while until we figured out they meant it was made with leeks.  Ah!)
• I visited buddies at Plaxo for their HipCal acquisition party and had a neat chat with the well-traveled founder of the increasingly popular cheap-calling site jajah.
• I had my birthday jam at The 9:20 Special (mentioned above); see my previous entry about my birthday jams :-D
• On a very packed Friday, I had the pleasure of a laid-back lunch with colleagues at The Straits Cafe in Palo Alto.  I’d rate the appetizers outstanding, the drink (Mango Lemonade) a bit sweet but generally good, and the entrees good to very-good.  Service was also quite nice.
• A few hours later, I saw The Da Vinci Code movie.  [my review]
• Then I raced back to the city (okay, San Francisco—we call it “the city”) to meet my “E” friend Cori.  Effervescent, engaging, entertaining, and ever-so-stunning. :-O.  Ah, this deserves some more commentary…

Well, when Cori graciously offered to pay for dinner, I declined.  Instead, I made her promise that when she’s famous, she’ll give me two tickets to her movie premiere, Broadway show, etc.

This was not a merely-friendly or joking request on my part.  I think Cori will be famous, and I have some good family history of such intuition to back me up.

Back in grad school, I had a pen pal, and both she and I were convinced she’d make it big one day.  Jen Bender went on to serve as the Producer for the hilarious and poignant Tony Award-winning musical, Avenue Q.

A couple of years later, I met another Jen, who has gone on to slowly but steadily climb up in the world of showbiz.

And many years earlier, my dad was the favorite science teacher of an aspiring actress.  Grateful for my dad’s thoughtful teaching, she once gushed, “Mr. Lasnik, if I ever make it big, I’m going to send you to the Galapagos Islands!”  Heather Graham, if you or your agents are reading this, you can get in touch with my family here :-D.

Brief Da Vinci code review

I got a free ticket to go see the movie Da Vinci Code and while it won’t say it was worth what I paid for it… well, it wasn’t worth a lot more than that, either.

The movie in a word:  Joyless.

I can count the number of times the characters smiled on one hand.
I can count the number of times I smiled on probably one or two fingers.

I haven’t read the book, but judging from my reactions to this movie and the 7th-grade-level writing abilities I slogged through in one of Dan Brown’s other books, I can’t say I’ll be clamoring to read the Da Vinci Code anytime soon.

Things I *did* like about the movie:

- Some of the beautiful scenery and cinematography.
- Ian McKellen.  Not all the movies he’s in are good, but HE is always a pleasure to watch, IMHO.
- Learning some interesting historical facts.

Things I definitely *did not* like about the movie:
- The ending.  What a fizzle!
- The graphic depictions of the monk’s self-flaggelation.  Seeing the scars and (on the side) the whip would have conveyed the point just fine.
- The overbearing seriousness of the entire film.  No, it didn’t need an Eddie Murphy sidekick donkey, but… hmm… on the other hand, that might have improved things.
- The movie length.  Rarely does including every detail from the book make sense.

Have you seen the movie yet?  What did you think?

Four key ways to improve how your company emails customers

As I’ve written in other entries, I’ve become buried in e-mail, and so my “unsubscribe trigger-finger” has become a bit more itchy.

Often times, I do the (unsubscribe) deed with little remorse.  Hasta la vista, baby!

Other times, though, it’s more of a frustrating decision.  Take Vistaprint, for instance.  They offer well-made products such as business cards and address labels at generally reasonable prices.  My customer service experiences have been pretty decent with them, too.  I’d like to get email updates from companies like this, within reason.

But when it comes to VistaPrint’s email list, they’re like that attractive but thoughtless jerk on the subway who talks your ear off about nothing important every five minutes. 

Okay, let me give some more specifics…

A snippet from a recent VistaPrint email I got:

SUBJECT:  We need your feedback!
Dear Adam,

As a valued VistaPrint customer, we are interested in your opinions. To better serve our customers we would like to ask a few questions. Simply click here to complete our survey and we will both benefit.

As our way of thanking you for your time, we would like to offer you Premium Business Cards for only 6?. That’s 99% off the regular price of $19.99!

Here are some more details about VistaPrint’s current practices:

- They email me seeemingly EVERY month with the subject line “We need your feedback.”  Yeah, right.
I’m sure it won’t shock even the most dim-witted person to discover that VistaPrint likely doesn’t really need such solicited “feedback” every month; they are just looking for any excuse to garner additional traffic and purchases.

- They email me about every week with new “specials.”  “6 cents business cards!”  “Totally Free postcards!”
Except that, for one, the shipping and handling tends to be usurious.  I don’t know about you, but that overrused perversion of the concept “free” is annoying and offensive to me.  And I’m also peeved when “totally free!” stuff turns out to include a count of, say, 10 postcards.  Whoopeee!

- Even when I really *do* want to buy something from VistaPrint, I’m tempted to wait another month or two months until I get an email noting a price reduction.
Because their specials, while not ongoing, are hardly infrequent.  And ironically, since I may really want those new business cards *now*, I may be more apt to just go get them done across the street at Office Depot instead of feeling gypped by “overpaying” during a non-specials period with VistaPrint.  I know, that’s an emotional, not a logical reaction, but I’m sure I’m not alone.

- At the end of the day, it’s like the boy who cried wolf.
“Amazing special!” “Fabulous deal… just for the next 5 days.”  Yeah, yeah, yeah… just shut up, will ya?  You’re worse than my gym (24 Hour Fitness): “Last 5 days!” [until we run this same “special” next month].  It’s a massive credibility shredder.  Why can’t more companies be like the fabulous Trader Joe’s?  No coupons, no “specials,” just decent prices and outstanding service.  They rock!  But I digress :-D

Back on the topic of email lists… the most frustrating thing for me is that there are no options in between “obnoxious and frequent mailings” and “total silent treatment from VistaPrint.”

*  *  *

So with that said, here are some recommendations of GOOD customer-communications practices:

- Ask me how frequently I’d like to get email from you.  I find it thoughtful when my options are, for instance:

Send me emails…
A) As often as daily.  I LOVE you guys!
B) Every couple of weeks to update me on your latest products and specials.
C) Only when you have *major* announcements (about 2-3x a year)

Three choices.  A world of difference.  Not only does this make me feel at the outset that they respect my time and preferences, but it also potentially lets the company “hold on” to people who might otherwise totally unsubscribe.  For instance, if I clicked on an unsubscribe link:

Wait!  We show that you’re on our “frequent mail-to” list.  Would it be cool with you if we just emailed you every few months?
A) Okay, that’s fine.  Write me LESS OFTEN: about 2-3x a year.
B) NO!  I don’t want to ever hear from you again.  We’re done!  Finished!  And give me my t-shirt back!

Okay, so maybe that’s a bit over-the-top for an email list for, say, the Everglade Casket Company.  But it’d be a super fit for a gaming newsletter, or perhaps Southwest Airlines, etc., and for others only the tone’d need to be changed.  I do think *all* companies that run email lists should give us frequency choices.  Not everyone has the same needs, interests, or attachments for a given company!

- Give me non-email choices to keep abreast of your latest info.
Like RSS feeds.  How about one on “Super specials!” (and dammit, make sure they really *are* super specials!).  And another one on “Announcement of new major products or product lines.”  You get the idea.

- Consider on-demand per-product emails or feeds.
“Notify me when this price drops to [x]” (several airline-price sites already offer this useful service!)
“Let me know when this product is in-stock again.”
“Tell me when there are significant price breaks on accessories for items I’ve already purchased.” (e.g., SD cards or waterproof case for my camera…)

- Consider even offering an IM option
If it’s to be used *very* sparingly, you could tell me stuff like “The campfire stove you put in your cart for $79 last week is now $29!  Click here for more info.”

*  *  *

The bottom line:
- Improve your email practices.  Ask yourself:  Do people really find these emails useful?
- Offer a choice of contact frequency
- Enable your customer to request future communications on a more micro-scale.
- Provide other communication options (RSS, IM)

*  *  *

Do you agree with these observations and guidelines?
How would you improve the email communications you receive (in tone, content, and frequency)?

I've joined Google

A couple of months ago, I became a Googler.  Since my boss—Matt Cutts—has already so kindly introduced me on his blog, I feel this is probably a good time to say a few words about my new job :-D

The short version:  I’m honored, humbled, a bit nervous, and yes, very happy.  As a lifelong geek who’s been excited about search and Google in particular for many years, it’s hugely fascinating to be experiencing new adventures from the “inside.”

Okay, now for the longer version!


What I’m doing at Google

My main focus is on broadening communications between Google and Webmasters… learning as much as I can from both Matt and the Webmasters he chats with so amiably and then building upon this rapport.  Or, more colloquially, as it’s been joked around the office, my uber-challenging goal is to become a “MiniMatt.”  Though a colleague did note that a MiniMatt sounds like a scary cross between a convenience store and a diminutive vaccum cleaner.  Hmm.

You’ll find me hanging out at Webmaster conferences and various geek gatherings, occasional replying to Google-related blog or forum posts, tackling some Webmaster-related e-mails, and undoubtedly popping up in other random places.

I’ll also be a “Webmaster Advocate” inside the Googleplex.  I’ve seen firsthand that tons of folks here already eagerly read and appreciate Google- and search-related comments throughout the Web; I’ll be doing what I can to expedite concerns, bug reports, and other feedback to the right colleagues.

I’m coming into this job with a lot of knowledge about search, Google, and communications, but I know I have a lot to learn and also much trust to earn.

What my new job means for my blog

I’m not sure yet.  For the time being, I’m going to generally maintain a separation between the personal and work spheres of my life.  This means that you’re likely to be disappointed if you subscribe to BLADAM expecting to read lots of juicy Googly tidbits.

With that said, though, I do admire Robert, Jeremy, and, of course, my boss Matt and recognize that their work-related blogversations have very often educated, engaged, and entertained thousands.  So perhaps I’ll come up with a middle ground here—occasionally sharing my enthusiasm, useful Google tips, amusing Google observations, and so on—while avoiding topics likely to make my colleagues annoyed or uncomfortable.

“So I have a question about my site…”

Please, not here.  I’m enjoying tackling general and specific Webmaster issues every day at work… and my teammates and I are really, truly committed to opening up new channels of communication (like our Sitemaps tools and active Sitemaps GoogleGroup, for instance, plus MUCH more to come!).  But everyone needs a break from work now and then, so please respect my personal space here on the Web.  Thanks!

With that said, I know that Matt got some outstanding feedback on Google Communications, and so I’d be nuts if I didn’t also invite you to share your Google Communication ideas below.  I’d also love to hear from you about your favorite bloggers who masterfully juggle work and non-work topics on their blogs; I could use some more role models in case I decide to go that route eventually :-D.

*  *  *

Anyway… to you faithful BLADAM readers who’ve stuck with me during all my bloggily dry and/or boring spells, thank you.  To you new readers, welcome!  It’s a pleasure to have you here, and—as always—I look forward to your comments.  Now I’m heading offline to go celebrate my birthday weekend! :-D

Just how stupid do they think we are?

Every day when I drive home from work, I see a painfully intelligence-insulting billboard ad put up by some bank (it’s rather interesting that I can’t even remember which bank, isn’t it?).  It reads something like this: “3 cents back on every debit card purchase?  Just give ‘em a toaster and be done with it!”

So let’s think about this for a moment, shall we, with a few assumptions:

- A typical person makes *at least* 10 payments totalling $100 a week, not including rent or mortgage payments.
- This person could probably get *some* cash-back or rewards non-debit (credit) card.
- Such a card would easily pay 1% in cash or rewards (for instance, on my cards, I get a free round trip airfare for a spend of $25,000, a reward of at least 1.2%).

Given this scenario, practically anyone could make the same purchases on one of the rewards cards and in a year, make (from a *very* conservative estimate) $52 as opposed to $15.60 with the crappy debit card.  Not to mention enjoy far more consumer protections.  And the hypothetical $25 toaster that the ad makes fun of?  It would take 834 purchases on the debit card to earn the equivalent of that toaster. 

*  *  *

But the latest promotion I just got in my inbox even tops the lameness of the debit card “deal.”  Here’s the copy:

My [American Express Card] WishList returns June 6, 2006! Not only are we offering some of the hottest products for spring at Cardmember-only prices, but we’ll also be granting three Cardmember wishes on the last day. So tell us what you wish for by May 14, and one of your wishes may come true.

Hmm, I thought.  Aside from the it’s-so-‘99-ness of the “My” prefix, that sounds pretty neat.  Clearly it’s one of those sweepstakes where I say, hey, I want a [whatsit up to such-and-such value] and if I win, I get it.  Right?

Uh, maybe not.  Digging down into the fine print on the Web site, I see this:

Is My Wish a sweepstakes?
No, this promotion is not a sweepstakes, as Cardmembers will be given an opportunity to purchase the submitted Wish should their Wish be selected. Wishes will be selected at the sole discretion of American Express. The Wish selected will be offered to the Wish’s submitter to purchase before making limited quantities available to the general Cardmember audience, who will also be eligible to purchase the item(s); the same Terms and Conditions of My WishList will apply.

Oh boy!  Let me see if I understand this right.  I get my inbox crammed with another AMEX ad that has nothing to do with my account.  I then have the wonderous opportunity of coming up with my dream present, vacation, etc., and filling out some form on AMEX’s Web site (undoubtedly opening me up to more junk mail).  And then, if I’m lucky—oh so lucky!—AMEX will choose MY fantasy to come true and offer me a chance to buy it or pay for it myself (I guess where that’s where the “MY” comes in:  “at MY Expense”).  Of course, they won’t offer it to all their cardmembers… right away, at least, so I’ll feel particularly special.

*  *  *

Who comes up with crap like this?  And does anyone actually get excited by it?

Sadly, I’m going to guess that the answer to the second question is “yes,” or why would we continue to see such ridiculously dumb marketing?

Ah, don’t mind me.  I just had a (thankfully rare) day spent at the local mall and I’m feeling rather anti-commerce at the moment in general.