Shoulds and Should nots at 31

I should be more serious.

I should be more settled.

I should just take the first job I can grab, dammit.

I should have a house, a dog, at least a girlfriend, and maybe a kid, not necessarily in that order (though the kid, at least, should not arrive first, please).

I shouldn't be doing silly things.

I shouldn't flirt with the Ruler of All Men (featured in The National Enquirer), much less try to withstand her charms during a 7 hour drive down to Southern California tomorrow.

I shouldn't work write so much in my blog when it isn't putting food on my table.

I shouldn't dance so much.

I shouldn't spend time keeping in touch with people I see once a year, or even less.

I shouldn't waste my time and money writing Christmas cards and giving out candy.

I shouldn't compose music that few people hear, and no one buys.

Life is full of shoulds and shouldn'ts. They get louder as I get older. Sometimes people shout them at me. Sometimes they keep me awake.

I should listen. But I don't. I keep smiling and I often feel happy, too, but I know I shouldn't.

I'm broke. I'm somewhat beaten. I've lost, in a way. If there's a time to follow convention, that time is now.

Is it any surprise that my watch is broken?